“I could still feel there was more. It just kept spinning… We hit the ground again, and I thought I had died or something. I just felt that I blacked out for a second. And then suddenly the van stopped, and the G-forces that were pushing us just stopped. It still felt like I was spinning in my body, but I know I wasn’t spinning in real life.”
Laura Hickli’s new album is entirely based on 24 seconds. While touring the US in 2023, her van skidded off the road and flew off a cliff. Laura watched all her things fly around her in slow motion as they rolled down the hill.
“I had no thoughts in my head as I floated through the air,” she says. “It was still. It felt like when you’re in an empty kitchen while the tap is dripping. No panic, no fear, just loneliness and knowing you’re going to die.”
Then, her head went through the window, and she blacked out.
The first paragraph atop this write-up is not lyrics from a song. It’s taken from her therapy sessions, fragments appearing on dark secrets between tracks. After the accident, she spent months in physical and mental recovery. Her initial fear was going into a motor vehicle, but her mind developed stark, existential thoughts. That’s what these songs are based on: feelings that can be ugly, scary, and relentless.
With each song covering a different topic, they unite: part confessional, part contemplation, and part acceptance.
“I try to see the meaning in life,” she sings on Dark Secrets, “Dark secrets I hold / Dark dark dark dark dark.”
On Wanting, she crystallizes the conflicts of being alive:
“What do I want / And what is the point of wanting / What do I feel / And what is the reason to feel things?”
Little Girl allows her to address her past, traumatized self, singing:
“Every sleepless night, every awful dream / Give them to me, for I am your company.”
It’s not like Laura hasn’t faced struggles before. She grew up in an extremely religious household that continually switched churches. Her family would join one more radically conservative than the last, leading her to learn in adulthood how to separate the world she was aware of as a child from the grander one she now perceives. That was the subject of her last release, Both Feet In The World, At Least I Can Stand.
“The ability to write these songs and perform them to others rescued me,” she says. “I had an outlet for the battles happening inside my head.”
She immersed herself in the lifestyle, touring heavily throughout North America—until the accident.
Because of the strong value music holds for Laura, she knew she had to push through her PTSD. Performance is a key part of her music; on stage, she writhes and sways, curling up as if she’s possessed. It’s how she connects with others, and she had to continue playing. So she underwent exposure therapy—a slow, deliberative process—and ultimately emerged with the ability to, once again, get into a van and tour.
The completion of dark secrets is her latest step towards reaching peace from those 24 seconds. She won’t ever fully recover, but now that she can share her story with power, Laura Hickli no longer feels as lonely.
Name:
Laura Hickli
Genre:
Dark Pop, Art Rock, Indie Rock
Founded:
2015
# of Albums:
3 solo records, and several more with my other bands
Latest Album:
Dark Secrets, available on Bandcamp
Latest Single:
SINGLE 1 – DSP: “Call It Off”
Latest Video:
Favourite musician growing up:
Death Cab for Cutie
Favourite musician now:
Atm I’m spinning a lot of Phoebe Bridgers and Fiona Apple
Guilty pleasure song:
I frickin’ love I Hear You Knockin’ covered by Ernest Monias
Live show ritual:
Do makeup in the van, show up, soundcheck, say hi to locals and bands, run around town inviting random people to the show, getting changed in a tiny washroom, a few deep breaths, vocal warmups, water, last-minute pee, showtime
Favourite local musician:
Too many to count, but Daughter Dentist, Motherdaughters, Hardcore Makeout, Still Depths (they moved though), to name a few
EP or LP?
LP
Early bird or night owl?
Early bird for productivity and night owl for creativity
Road or studio?
Both offer their own set of comforts and adventures
Any shows or albums coming up?
My album Dark Secrets, on grief after our major motor vehicle accident in 2023, just dropped on Bandcamp and vinyl, and I believe it’s my best work yet
Where can we follow you?
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Rapid Fire Local Questions:
What is your favourite local restaurant?
Ten Foot Henry
What is your favourite street in your city and why?
Bow Cres in Bowness, near the river, and beautiful natural walking trails
What is your favourite park in your city and why?
Bowness Park, cause I got married there amongst explosions of fall colours last September, and chat with strangers at the community bonfires under stringlit trees in the winter
What is your favourite music venue in your city?
Blox Arts Centre, I love that it’s all ages and it’s got a really inclusive and friendly vibe
What is your favourite music store in your city?
Long & McQuade for gear, Melodia for records and books.
